I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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