Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
