I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
