I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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