was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
