if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
