I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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