Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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