that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
