By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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