It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
