i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
