I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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