I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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