youre lurking in front of me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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