i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
