I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
