Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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