What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
