I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your penis caused this!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
