I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
