my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
