i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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