Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
