There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
