uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
