Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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