I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
