So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
