so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
