I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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