so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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