It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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