I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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