so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
