WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
