Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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