hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
