arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
