Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
