Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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