To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
