You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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