im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
