i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
