i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I see more hoeing in ur future
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