I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
