Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
