I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
