So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
