I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
